As I read a Boston Globe article the other day about the emergence of personal coaching as an alternative to psychotherapy (more oriented, they tell us, to goals/future/happiness than to addressing problems or illness), I picked up a glimmer of what must be a typical reader reaction: Now, finally, there's a new, better, right answer. Now I can access the people who really have the answer to happiness, rightness, etc. (Even though we learn that many coaches, though they have no widely supported standards or certification,are themselves mental health professionals, maybe that have just found a better path -- certainly one that allows them to charge more without having to deal with health insurance.)Within the established mental health field, of course, new/better/"the answer" therapy techniques never stop appearing. Each brings a series of books and traveling experts, and draws a slew of therapists who are, themselves, looking for an approach that will help them feel more effective and successful. Some of these techniques become passing fads, while others take root and hang around. Quite often, the new/better/special approaches eventually seem less different from what already existed, and blend in, to become partof the ongoing, fluid collection of perspectives on which the average therapist draws. The same thing happens with new medications – it is said, in jest but also accurate social perspective, that one should make sure to use new meds within the 1st 2 years, since after that their effects will become much less impressive.
In other fields, there is no scarcity or end to exciting new answers from the worlds of nutrition, exercise, and of course religious leaders (whose role in the last century has largely been transferred to mental health professionals).
Alas, it turns out to be a rare event when there is something genuinely new under the sun. And I’m not sure that anyone has The Answer. I recall, years ago, during the heyday of Stress Management, getting to know a professional who developed a nice sideline giving talks and workshops about stress. The techniques she had for making her audience aware of their stress level were eye-opening, and the relaxation techniques in which she guided them were, indeed, relaxing and provided a delightful break from the pressures of the day. So she was a local stress management guru, much like the long line of inspirational speakers on which we can overdose by watching PBS at fund-raising time. I got to know her, and liked her very much, but found her to be no less stressed than the rest of us and, in fact, to be juggling an untreated addiction. She was a very fine person and I’m sure she eventually addressed that issue – my only point is that we are all flawed, trying to get through, and not likely to be either finding or providing The Answer.
Yet we yearn to find a sage to follow and idealize, in our quest for a level of perfection and happiness which are not realistically attainable. We look at others, and they seem to be happier or more fulfilled or more successful, etc. Around 12-step circles, one sometimes hears the extremely useful guidance: “Don’t compare your inside to someone else’s outside.”
Of course, we should always be seeking more effective treatments and ways to alleviate suffering and advance wellbeing. But let’s abandon our fantasies of achieving flawlessness if we just find the right guru or hear the right infomercial.
As various forms of therapy/counseling/coaching/guidance come and go, and as those that seemed cutting-edge come to seem obsolete, what seems to be constant is that a crucial element in therapeutic outcomes is the quality of the relationship between patient/client and therapist – genuineness, acceptance of self and other, human connection, and appreciation of the moment – that’s probably as close to perfection as any of us can get, and maybe that’s enough.
